I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
