So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
