even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
