If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
