I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
birth control should be required to get into college
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
