I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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