Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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