the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
