My brain says no but my pants say off.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
