theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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