Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
