erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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