at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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