"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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