there was a trapeze. enough said
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
