Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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