who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
