RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.