hell yes lets make some ravioli
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
