i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
