Just fell off a train. Bad.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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