I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
