I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
