it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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