The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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