ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
