Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
