the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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