So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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