By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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