i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
