the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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