dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bring money and cleavage
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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