Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
