last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
