this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's like iHOP with fire
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
