we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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