Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
