No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
