i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
