You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
