I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
