It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
