you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
