i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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