Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
