Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
