He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
