he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
