I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
