2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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