your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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