went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize