well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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