How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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