I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
