i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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