just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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