I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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