My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
