you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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