She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would