Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
