Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
