i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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