OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
