pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
