i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
