my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
