were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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